Monday, January 19, 2015

Managing Expectations

 
NaNoWriMo taught me a great deal this year.
I shared this fascinating experience with a group of wonderful writers, many of whom contribute to this awesome blog. We would post daily our accomplishments, struggles, frustrations, and/or tears. NaNoWriMo is not a task to be undertaken lightly. In fact, I’d sat on the sidelines for several years, watching other braver souls set forth on the perilous journey of writing 50,000 words in one month. I’d pants around with them in spirit, adding a few words here a sentence or two there to my work in progress, but I did it comfortably from my uncommitted couch. This year, I jumped in with both feet, all the while kicking and screaming, and discovered a great deal about myself and the writing process in general.

The biggest gem of insight this insane challenge gleaned was that as writers, and human beings in general, we are ridiculously hard on ourselves. In order to reach 50,000 words in 30 days, one had to commit to setting down on the page 1,667 words daily. That, by the way, is my extent at math skills, which is why I stick with writing.
At the end of each day we would post our word counts. Some would wallow in defeat and self-torture, others would prance with victory. On days I didn’t make the word count, I felt like I had failed. Days I made the minimum or exceeded it I was ecstatic but felt guilty posting my success because I knew there were others in the group beating themselves up for not meeting the daily requirements. I knew how frustrating that felt.  NaNoWriMo was supposed to be a brilliant kick start to creativity, instead it turned into a mad dash to crunch the numbers, and each day I fell behind left me with a bitter taste of inadequacy and failure. Why? Because the expectation with NaNoWriMo is that you commit to achieving the goal. In order to win, in order to get that shiny NaNoWriMo badge you can proudly display as your profile picture, you had to make the cut.

But here’s the thing. Make the cut for what? We were battling with ourselves and our uniquely creative process (for more insight, check out Anna Davis's post Want More Creative Energy? Pace Yourself). NaNoWriMo forces us to create in a surreal, unnatural environment and then measure ourselves against that ideal.
 


NaNoWriMo is not bad, in and of itself, the problem is how we approach it. Setting goals is a wonderful pursuit, but expecting things to turn out a specific way only sets us up for disappointment and disillusionment if things turn sour. Instead of patting ourselves on the back for 500 words in one day, for many participants (myself included) negative self-talk undermined the process of creating and turned writing into something unpleasant, or at very least a chore, and a tough one at that.
We write because we love to, because our passion compels us to create worlds, people them with a host of quirky characters, and live out our fanciful days in a realm of make believe so captivating that we lose ourselves in our own delightful creations. When we get caught up in the semantics of process and output rather than the experience of joyfully, blissfully adding fresh, compelling, sexy words to the page, in my humble opinion, it defeats the purpose: why we got into this crazy gig to begin with.

As writers, there are a plethora of misguided expectations we may place on ourselves. We might have an unrealistic idea of how long it actually takes to write a novel, screen play, instructional manual, or memoir (months, years, even decades). We might not realize how many drafts it takes to turn a lumpy piece of creative clay into a smooth and polished masterpiece (think double digits here). What about the end result of your blood, sweat, and tears? Do you want to be published? Are you hinging your happiness and sense of accomplishment on whether or not you get picked up by an agent or publishing house? What happens if you don’t sign that contract? Do you throw in the towel, hang up your laptop, and call it a career? Or do you acknowledge that there are other streams, other opportunities to get your work out there? Are you open to new experiences, wild and crazy unconventional options?
If we are constantly hung up on the end result, whether we get there, and the way we envision ourselves arriving (standing on a podium with fireworks and streamer cannons, thank you very much) we’ve lost touch with the passion that drives us to create.

By all means, set goals, have objectives, but don’t hinge your happiness on whether they end up looking like the vision you created in your mind. Instead, go with the flow, take the lessons you learn in the process and attempt something new in the future, try a new tack. No effort is wasted.
Being a writer isn’t easy. There are plenty of challenges both external and internal that we continually battle against, but the journey is definitely worth it if we keep in mind our reasons for starting in the first place. Writing invigorates us. It makes us excited to wake up in the morning, our fingers itch to put those words on the page, to flesh out that story, to sculpt and hone that brilliant idea.

If writing’s your passion live it, breathe it, but let go of the handlebars, loosen the grip, lose the expectations and let the words percolate one letter at a time.
You’re a writer. Have fun with it. xo

In gratitude,
Marissa

 

14 comments:

  1. I enjoyed being in NaNoWriMo with you and everyone else in our quirky group. I still don't understand how someone could write 50k in a month and not go crazy. My goal this year was 30k and I almost made it. HOWEVER, last year (2013) I tried to do NaNo and ended up writing fewer words than if I'd just stuck w/ my regular writing routine. Why? I think it was the pressure, the expectation. The guilt. It sucked all the fun from it! I love your sentence about letting go of the handlebars and just enjoying the process. Also "let the words percolate" resonates w/ me (and, happily, makes me think of coffee). Great post!

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    1. Lol, thanks, Anna! Coffee and writing seem to go hand in hand. ;) It's amazing how something that is meant to motivate can end up causing so much grief. This was honestly my first and last NaNo. I'll stick with my own tried and true method. It may take longer to cough up 50,000 words, but they are more apt to stay in the novel if I've been able to think, ruminate, and reflect before adding them. xo
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  2. I've never done NaNo, mainly because the timing has never been right for me to start a fresh new project at the beginning of November. I point that out to give context for my devil's advocacy. I think there are benefits to setting goals and to the self-discipline involved in trying to meet those goals. When self-discipline becomes self abuse, though, there's a problem, and I do find it difficult to balance the goals I set myself with the need for my creative self to let go of the handlebars. (Which is such an awesome image, I just had to borrow it!) Nice post, Marissa!

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    1. Thanks, Liv. I completely agree that there are benefits to goals and self-discipline. I support and encourage it. The problem lies in expecting to meet, and then hinging our feelings of accomplishment, pride, and self-worth on meeting, those goals. Setting goals and having expectations are two very different nuts. One is an actionable measurement toward a desire or challenge. The other involves all the feelings we place on the process and whether we live up to the end result. If we place expectations on ourselves and we reach our goals, we are happy and our feelings of validation and self-worth climb, but for how long? As soon as we bump up against and fail the next challenge, our feelings of accomplishment and self-worth plummet. Setting expectations keeps us stuck on a merry-go-round. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. If we let go of the expectations—let go of the need for the outcome to manifest in a specific way—and instead focus on the journey, we may get to the end, we may reach our goal, but the self-satisfaction we feel will be sustainable, because we were never resting our feelings of happiness on whether we achieved it. We were just coasting down the hill, hands up, eyes closed, feeling the wind rush through our hair, the bike thrumming between our thighs as we grip the metal frame. We'll still get to the bottom, but letting go of those handlebars is a yummy path to peace of mind and limitless joy. ;) xo
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  3. I believe NaNoWriMo is a fantastic for motivation. I always write a ton that month, but I never hit 50k. I met a group of local NaNoWriMo writers who had won and was startled to find some of them had been winning for years but never used the ms for submissions or publication. It felt like they were focusing on the winning aspect rather than the writing aspect. That's when I understood NaNoWriMo is what you make of it and winning is important for some and not for others but in the end it's a community of writers all being crazy together.

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    1. I love crazy writers! Makes me feel less alone. :D xo
      In gratitude,
      Marissa

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  4. Great post Marissa! And Happy Birthday! This was my first NanNoWriMo experience. I count it as a "win" just for connecting with this terrific group. But I didn't come close to hitting the 50K goal. You're right, the management of expectations is crucial. I went into NaNo setting a 25K goal for myself, having just finished a major edit from PitchWars. I didn't even hit that.

    But all the words count. Yes?

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    1. One letter at a time. Every word counts. Sounds like you nailed it!. Positive attitude and all! :) xo

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  5. Great post Marissa, and happy birthday!

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  6. What you said!! And what everyone else said too!! I actually loved Nano this year and felt like it was a much more positive experience for me than usual, but there were definitely self recrimination days. Never made it to 50k but it's still a win! I was writing = I was happy = that's enough :)

    And Happy Birthday apparently!!

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    1. Thanks, Anna. :D Love the positive energy! I'll take a page out of your book for next year. xo

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  7. Yeah, ditto! ;) It's not an easy thing to be 'on' everyday for 1667 words of brilliance. You can only do your best!

    Good post! :D

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    1. Out of the 50,000 words I created, I've since slashed close to 30,000 as they led me away from brilliance and into tangents that created more hassle than they were worth. My best works at a bit slower pace, and I've come to appreciate my meandering process and the thoughtful, reflective way I plod along. :) xo

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