Friday, February 13, 2015

#ElasticHeart

Better late than pregnant.


Say what you will about the crazy, Shia can GET IT!


I was dreaming while I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray.  Actually I’m just hungover.  Give me a hot bartender and I’ll put anything in my mouth.

I’ve been a very bad blog brother to my sisters of the pen on here.  Yes!  I am reading their great posts, but just HAVE NOT been able to comment or pimp their posts on my various social media.  Bad on me.

Last night I had to say goodbye (for now?) to one of the biggest loves of my life and one of my most abusive relationships, besides the one in my head.  Say what you will about my work hours and my new duties on this project just heaped upon me at good old MaBell, but there’s always been something else taking up my time and at some points sucking the living essence out of my already fatigued heart and mind.  See, I was fat, sullen, morose child, who read Mary Higgins Clark and Jackie Collins and was too effeminate and nerdy to ever survive a gym class.  The cruelties of high school aside (there really is something to this homeschooling thing), I never thought I’d fall in love with a sport.  Of course I had to pick a “girl” sport, but hey we gays love our strong women.  That sport, volleyball, is and, at this point, was a big challenge to master.  Add into the mix, a predominately gay league, after surviving my college team, and you have the basis for one of my works-in-progress.

Maybe I miss Knots Landing a little too much or I just wanted to know what it was to be one of the popular kids.  It’s both, or the latter, I’m still mulling that in my head.  And much like Lillimae yelling at Josuha or Cady and Regina fighting, last night put me over the respective ledge or threw me in front of the bus.  Life is for the living, right?  And mother has LIVED!

All that aside, my burst of writing that came with the holidays all but fizzled at this point.  Words and scenes are still alive in me.  Those words and scenes are no good to the world because they're not meeting the page.  Unlike the me of my last post, the story is dying inside me!

Well, I don't want that.  Next chapter, life.  Time for the next chapter.




9 comments:

  1. Alex, I'm truly sorry you're going through hell right now. Journaling all this will be therapeutic for you. Take a trip and breather from everything - that always helped me.
    You're in my prayers, my friend.

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    1. Thank you! It was very cathartic to get this out and I feel refocused and excited for my future and whatever words it brings!

      -A

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  2. Alec Baldwin was on Knot's Landing?! Alongside Lisa Hartman's Hair?!

    As your big sister on the blog, I should scold you for putting strange things in your mouth, but I won't because it sounds like your latest round with life beat you up a little bit. Maybe you need to listen to some Alanis Morissette...

    And I'm here to remind you
    Of the mess you left when you went away
    It's not fair to deny me
    Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
    You, you, you oughta know.

    Hang in there, baby...

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    1. Yes! He got his star to rise after the women of Knots told him he was destined for bigger things than the show!

      Cute bartender = Kryptonite

      Oh, Alanis. I love "You Owe Me Nothing In Return" from her third album.

      Thanks Big Sis on The Blog!

      -A

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  3. Some of my best writing has come out of the darkest times in my life. Did I write through the pain at the time? NO WAY. I was too busy being angry and confused, and yes--at times-- acting out in not-so-healthy ways. Eventually life stabilized and once that happened, I couldn't wait to exorcise the angst by writing. Give yourself time to recover, and YES then the next chapter. You'll be stronger for it. Great post. :-)

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    1. There is a great story in all this somewhere! Life's little dramas are definitely a creative driver.

      Thank you again for your support!

      -A

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